I’ve been wanting to journal and jot notes and thoughts down since this all began a week ago. But as things have progressed quickly, then slowed for a slice of normalcy, then back to quickly again, I just haven’t had the time.
And with the tremendous show of support coming from all directions, and the constant ask for updates, it was time to start writing here. I don’t mind giving updates at all. For all that have offered their prayers and love, it’s the least we can do.
I’m currently sitting in the recovery room waiting for her to wake as she just came out of a few procedures, one of which was to insert a PICC line in her arm. It’s a “temporary” line until a port can be installed. It will only be a matter of time before she realizes it’s there and wants to remove it. So many foreign things happening to her. My little two year old baby girl. I look at her and wonder how she will sustain it all. But the word I keep hearing from everyone is ‘resilient.’ Kids are resilient. So not only am I praying that she tolerates all the treatments, but I’m also hoping that she will not remember any or most of this one day.
How did we get here? A lot of people have asked.
A few weeks ago, daycare pointed out a bump on her cheek which we thought might have been a bug bite or perhaps she had fallen on it. However, if she had fallen on it, I’m sure she would have let us know. The next day I took her to her pediatrician who couldn’t explain what it could be considering she was showing no other symptoms. She asked for a couple more follow ups while we monitored it, and consulted with other pedias who were equally stumped. She then referred us out to Stanford to meet with an ENT specialist. Before we knew it, things moved quickly and we were in a whirlwind of tests and by the following Monday they were going in for a biopsy.
It’s now a week later and we are staring down a cancer diagnosis with the exact type of cancer yet to be confirmed. It’s a bit of a hurry up and wait process also, partly because of testing and because of the tissues that were removed during the biopsy. They, of course, also want to be sure of the diagnosis and eliminate what they think it isn’t.
There are three potential types the oncologist thinks it is based on the info and tests so far completed. But again, we are still waiting on the type. Once it is confirmed, we can begin the process of treatment.
I’ve been trying to think about the next steps in the near term, as well as long term. So many questions in my mind. Things you think about that you never thought you’d have to.
It’s been such a long week already, but it’s only been seven days. We’ve been in the hospital more than half of the past week, with a semi-permanent residency coming up shortly. It’s a bit of a challenge since we will need to juggle with the boys and balance not only their physical care, but also their emotional well-being. Many have offered to help, and a couple times we’ve taken up the offer. Something as simple as being an extra pair of hands or an extra set of eyes and ears while at the hospital or during appointments has been so extremely helpful.
Everyone always asks how they can help. It’s been overwhelming the support that we’ve already received whether on social media, via texts, or phone calls. Our little girl is loved. We are loved and supported. That in itself is a miracle. To witness a community rally together, is powerful. I try to reply to everyone, and though it’s not always possible, I hope it’s understood that our gratitude is immeasurable.
As we start to plan out what the next few weeks to months look like, we will likely be calling on those family and friends who have offered their help.
But the most important request I have, as if I haven’t already screamed it from the mountain tops, is the continuous need for prayers, positive thoughts, and/or good energy sent our way. It can be any or all, we’ll take it, because it’s needed.
My sincere hope and prayer is to see my sweet, independent, strong willed, sassy and silly two-year-old baby girl beat this. And with your already pledged support, you will help push us to the finish line.